Dearest, I don't play games.

Just tell me, please, and we'll both be better off for it.

5/30

I don't know what to write.

But I figuured I should get into the habit of making regular posts.

I'm sorry. I really really am. I know I hurt you, and that I said I wouldn't... I'm sorry. I love you. Oh, so, so much.

Anyway.

This was supposed to be Wednesday's entry... I don't think I pressed the right button. Hmph.

Still listening to a lot of Broadway. Oh, and I'm getting back into Radiohead. I fell asleep with Hail to the Thief on repeat last night.

Probably (hopefully) spening some time with the lover today or tomorrow. I miss her. And I need to see her... this week has been one big pile of shit.

Anyway.

I'm going to post this for real now.

Haven't been sleeping much. Two hours a night.

No dark secrets. Not for today.

Goodbye.

I feel lonely. I would much rather be hanging out with the lover today... but she has a youth group meeting so it can't be helped. Hopefully, we'll be doing something tomorrow. I miss her. This week has been stressful...

But no, I am sitting at home, working on my lovely pile of schoolwork. Bleh.

I've been listening to a band called Broadway for a while. Their song "The Same Thing We Do Everyday Pinky" has been stuck in my head for a week... actually, its mostly just the first line.

"Good-byyyyyyeeeeeee!"

Come for a run by the silver sea,

come run away with me, with me...

Hmm... on second thought I'm somewhat glad for this lazy day. I would still rather be with Mik, but I do have a lot of homework. Ugh. This is going to be a long night.

Well... I should go.

Goodbye.

Ignore this.

I overthink things.

5/13

I'm sooo tired. I'm supposed to be sleeping, but after a half an hour of trying, I gave up (sorry Mikhaela, I'll try again in a little bit. I promise). So I dragged the computer into my room and I decided to make a post... seeing as it's been two days.

I've been listening to OT3P quite a bit lately. Otep Shamaya is a great songwriter, and her vocals are fucking brutal (makes-me-want-to-kick-a-door-in brutal). Yeah. Crooked Spoons is a great song. Check it out.

I really want to start filming soon... but I need to get a decent fucking camera if I want to do that. Maybe this summer I'll get a job and start saving up for one. Probably just a digital one. The one I've been looking at is the Cannon HV 20. The film 28 Days Later was shot entirely on two of those. Good film. Check it out. That's the director of Slumdog Millionaire, Danny Boyle. Great director.

I've been sick the last couple of days. It sucks. Ugh. But I'm getting better (as of today, really). And now I have a cold (another of those love-cold deals).

We're reading The Catcher In The Rye in advanced literature. God, I fucking hate that book. No wonder I'm failing that class. We never do anything that interests me... at ALL. Nothing happens in this book. It's not a slow burn, like some decent books. No. It is a no-burn. NOTHING FUCKING HAPPENS.

And this is a classic American novel. Great.

Though I've never been one to respect Americans for their intelligence.

Anyway.

I should go.

And I will sleep in a bit, Mikhaela, (if you are reading this) I promise.

Goodbyes.

5/11

I'm sick. Again. Ew.

This is the second time in the last month.

I threw up the other night, but went to school the next day anyways.... but came home feeling like vapid shit. So yeah. Then I puked again this morning. So I think I should stay home today. I feel so unproductive though, staying home. There's only three weeks left and I need to get my Language Arts grade up before term's end. Apparently, I'm getting A's and B's in all my classes.... except for LA. I'm getting a D in there. Which is weird, because my LA teacher, Renee, was the one who told me she'd whip my ass into shape.

So yeah.

Nevertheless, I should stay home, if not just to avoid getting my friends and miss Mikhaela sick (or sicker, whatever the case may be).

I wrote a song yesterday. I'll post lyrics when I come up with music. I literally can't share my music until I have all the elements put together. Not perfected or anything, just there.

So yeah, you can look forward to that.

Deep conversations over the telephone are occurring far too often these days. This tells me I need to see Mikhaela more... or maybe Elizabeth... but she's not always the best person to talk to. She knows me too well.

Scheduling this term sucks. Bleh. But I'll spare you the rant. I'll probably be doing something with Mikhaela Friday... if not then, Saturday.

Hmm, do I have anything else to talk about?

OH!

Senses Fail. I've been listening to them a lot lately. And Envy On The Coast (thank you, applesauce, for reminding me of them). Both fantastic bands. Senses Fail is more for fans of emo or post-hardcore. Envy On The Coast is like post-hardcore mixed with indie rock (I'm thinking Pierce The Veil + White Stripes). It's pretty damn spectacular.

Anyway.

I think I'm done now.

Goodbye.

5/10~Early Morning

I think my lack of sleep is finally catching up with me. I was on the phone with Mikhaela earlier and I threw up. After that... I fell asleep... I think. I'm having a total blackout moment here. I can't remember shit.

Now, I am awake, about five hours later. I barely have the strength to type this post. I need to fucking sleep. I thought those last two days of decent sleep would ennd this shit... I guess I was wrong.

Oh, and I forgot yesterday... I wanted to wish a happy Mother's Day to all.

I guess that's all I have to say for now.

It's only three o' clock now (altogether, it's taken me over two hours to write this dinky little shit of a post). I hope I'll be alright at school today...

Goodbye loves.

5/9

Ugh. So tired. This is what I get for staying out past midnight. I spent the day with Mikhaela yesterday. We went to my grandparents' house. It was nice (especially as I haven't seen her in three weeks up until now). Hmmm... but now it is the next day and I shall go back to missing her.

Have you ever had a giant marshmallow? I have. We bought a pack last weekend with marshmallows half the size of my fist. Fucking gigantic.

SUGAR OVERLOAD.

I need coffee... but we have none.

I might try to stop drinking so much caffeine. The pot of coffee I drink every morning is starting to affect my nerves. Maybe if I cut the coffee and only have an occasional energy drink, my sleeping schedule will clear up... maybe. I did sleep though, the past couple nights. Last night, I slept four hours, and the night before that I slept seven.

It's nice being awake.

I've been really obsessed with this band Parkway Drive recently. They're a melodic hardcore band from Australia. Good shit. Their song "Romance Is Dead" is fucking awesome. It makes me want to kick a door in (you're welcome, Mikhaela). Check 'em out if you're a fan of hardcore... or don't know them already.

So...

I'm done ranting.

Run away with me...

Good bye.

5/7

Hmm... good day. The weather is so nice. Tomorrow is supposed to be nice too. That will be good. Me and Mikhaela can hang around downtown Milwaukie or go to the house.

I want to start my band soon. Something like Envy On The Coast meets Placebo. I need to find some members first, though. Mikhaela want to learn bass, so she could play that. I might do guitar and probably drums and vocals... but I'll need another guitarist and someone to play drums live.

Anyone interested? Oh, right. You don't exist. I forgot.

Hmmmmmm.

Soooo tired. I don't think I've actually slept in a week.

I started watching a movie called Synecdoche, New York. It was weird. Written by Charlie Kaufman. He wrote Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and Being John Malkovich. I didn't watch very much of it. I was in math class, and it ended before I could watch much of the movie. I liked what I saw, though.

Anyways, I don't have much to say today.

So this'll be goodbye.

Bye.

5/6

It's been a while...

I suppose I will make a post. It wont be long, I don't have much to say...

I haven't hung out with Mikhaela for two weeks... blah. It's really bad. I miss her so much...

I want a teleportation device. That would make things so much easier. Or at least a car? Why not? Who cares if I don't have a lisence... or a job... or insurance... fuck.


The system is bringing me down.


But hopefully, me and Mikhaela are doing something Saturday... that would be lovely. If the weather's tolerable, we'll probably go down to my house by the river. Actually... we'll probably do that whether the weather is tolerable or not. It's Portland, not Phoenix.


I made a drawing the other day... I was really proud of it... but my freaking scanner won't work. Grrr. I'll post it when I can. Don't expect enything spetacular, though. I haven't practiced drawing for a while now...

I'm writing a story. Its a rewrite of a shitty little story (called "The Fallen"... I'm gonna change that) I wrote a couple years ago. I hope it works out better this time. I'll post a plot synopsis when I have it all worked out.

I don't have much else to say...

I started reading the Tao of Pooh. It's really interesting, not to mention that it's a lot easier to understand than the Tao Te Ching.

Anyways, I have homework to do.